The Dorm

This is the part of the blog where I document the strange and wonderful humans I've had the privilege of rooming with.


3219: Fall/Winter 2019-20

The best way to keep life interesting is to live with freshmen, which three of my roommates in 3219 are. Add in the dorm of girls that have become like a half-dozen little sisters to us by hanging out so much, and you have a recipe for perhaps the goofiest and most fun group I've been affiliated with.

The Guys, from left to right:

Dallin: plays guitar and brings us treasure from lost-and-found cleanup at his building care job.

Dalton: a good friend of mine that I met in Hong Kong, who loves D&D as much as I do.

Me: you already know who I am.

Cal: Best known for making pancakes out of protein powder, eggs and cottage cheese. Surprisingly not bad.

Rankin: the most studious of us, often the last to bed and first to rise. No idea how he does it.

Michael: plays both accordion and guitar, and has an obsession with They Might Be Giants.

The Girls, from left to right:

Hannah: a swimmer/lifeguard like me--we love exchanging stories from the pool.

Hayley: The Good Egg. Can absolutely nail the R2-D2 scream.

Emma: very deadpan sense of humor that comes in at just the right moment.

Makenna: Actually put forth the effort to draw all of us!

Alyssa: personality intensity dialed up to 1000%, always.

Alexa: Voted "most likely to become a serial killer." Unanimously.

1217: Fall/Winter 2016-17

I'll always have a soft spot for my very first batch of roommates. These are the ones I got dropped in with at the very beginning of my collegiate journey, and they remain some of my best friends.

Carson: (Fall 2016)

I’m pretty sure Carson is the state of Texas incarnate. He’s loud, proud, lives and breathes football and goes through unearthly quantities of eggs, butter and Dr. Pepper. Having a large personality and absolutely brimming with Texas pride, I wasn’t sure I’d get along with him, especially since we have very different definitions of personal space. Although personal space was always a sticking point, it didn’t stop us from becoming good friends, and I’ll tell you he’s one of the friendliest and most loyal people I’ve met. I’m not sure what percentage of the time he actually went to class or work, but we love him anyway.

Mark: (Winter 2017)

Mark sets things on fire. Sometimes on accident, other times on purpose. Okay, I can’t say for sure the frequency with which he actually burns things, but as the only person in the dorm to have set off the building’s fire alarm (that poor grilled cheese sandwich…) whenever fire is involved, we automatically assume Mark has something to do with it. He’s also our resident meme-lord and denizen of the dank side of the internet, and he has somewhat of an obsession with WWII aircraft. We got Mark as Carson’s replacement halfway through the year, and they seemed so different we called him the Anti-Carson and “Upgrade,” a name which Carson himself coined, so we don’t feel bad about it. Over time, though, I found they are more similar than I first realized, especially when it comes to their lack of regard for closed doors.

Christian: (2016-17)

It was unanimously agreed upon that Christian is the hot one. No picture could quite do him justice, but suffice it to say that it only takes one smile for him to win over virtually anyone. You can’t not like him, especially because he’s so genuine and unfailingly kind. He really saved us with the amount of kitchen equipment and food he provided, too. To use the vernacular of one of my high school friends, Christian is the actual man.

Aaron: (2016-17)

There are three things you need to know about Aaron: he runs marathons, loves Pokémon like no other and hates chocolate. Of course, he’d be the first to say that he has only run one marathon, but it sounds so much better in plural that everybody just said it that way. Aaron is actually more likely to respond when we call him either “A-A-Ron” or “Ern;” I don’t know why, but we were happy to oblige anyway. I was just glad to have a fellow tall person, and he makes some dang good Filipino food to boot. I hope he forever chases his dream to catch ‘em all.

Kier: (2016-17)

Kier’s a smart guy. A casual observer might not notice through the playful exterior and tremendous enthusiasm for all things Batman, but he’s going places. We’ve hatched more than our fair share of diabolical plots, such that I’m pretty sure the two of us could achieve world domination with enough time, a box of toothpicks and a spatula. And also a healthy supply of butterscotch soda. I think the real reason we bonded, though, was that when some of our compatriots were talking about football or basketball, we’d look over at each other and say “Sports!” to flaunt our lack of knowledge on the subject. Strangely enough, Kier never really seemed to eat any food. Perhaps he’s just evolved beyond such earthly needs.

Andrew: (2016-17)

Hands-down worst guy I’ve ever met. (Just kidding, I had to say that). When my first interaction with my direct roommate was him asking me to switch to another building to make room for his friend, I didn’t have high hopes for the semester. I stayed put, though, which was probably the best decision I made all year. Andrew is always quick with a compliment and was willing to put up with me decorating our room throughout the year with Halloween junk, Christmas lights, flags, Lego Star Wars ships suspended from the lights and enough Cactus Cooler cans to block out the window completely. He also limited his wardrobe to sweatshirts, jerseys and obnoxious Hawaiian shirts, which I found myself growing to love. I can’t vouch for myself when he says I was way better than the other guy he would’ve roomed with, but I can say that I really won the roommate lottery.

Of course, this technically isn't our complete roster, since our unofficial roommate list includes Muffin, the Darts and the late Dr. Barry Allen Traeger, among a few others, but I can't talk about all of them individually. I can say that when I asked my roomies for pictures to use for this page, they gave me the following. That's just the kind of people they are.